Saturday, October 12, 2013

What to do now that you're diagnosed with a Mast Cell Disorder

Order t-shirts.


Because if it's been, oh, about 7 days since you were diagnosed, and you're a bit of a research geek, you've learned some awful things, some scary things, some 'no, this part of it will not be getting better' things, and some things about your mast cell disorder that are TRULY bizarre. So right now, honey, you've got three choices: laugh, scream, or cry.

I know I'm going to cry later, when some of this really hits me, but right now? I'd rather laugh. So, here's some funny things to think about with this condition:

1. You can now get the t-shirt 'I'm allergic to mornings' and wear it without any sense of irony whatsoever!  Because I would bet some of us are having an allergic reaction to something in the mornings. I, for example, have discovered that freaking GETTING OUT OF BED is making me trigger. 0.o

I am getting this t-shirt. I am going to get a giant one and wear it as a nightshirt and every morning when I feel awful and see it in the mirror, it's going to make me laugh anyway.

2. You can ALSO wear a t-shirt that says, 'I'm allergic to stupidity.' Which I feel is totally justified. Stupidity is annoying, and can cause people to do things that cause you stress, and stress can be a trigger. There you go - allergic to stupidity, or as good as.

Think of the possibilities!  Someone is talking to you about their latest bigoted political idiocy and you just say, "I'm sorry, didn't you read my t-shirt? Your stupidity is going to make me have an allergic reaction. You'll have to leave now." Ha, that would be EPIC.

And I'd also never do it because I'd feel really mean, but I can dream about it, right? ^_~

3. For parents of mast cell kids, I thought this is one of those moments you could totally relate to-

4. I think we mast cell folks should totally work it and revamp our governmental systems!  Here in the USA, for example, we have the disability act, right? It's supposed to ensure that reasonable accommodations are made for those with disabilities. So if our disability requires certain things, we could use that power for the good of all.

Just think what we could do if someone with a mast cell disorder was elected to Congress?  Through the disability act, our ability to trigger from stress induced by lying and political double-speak would revolutionize our political process. Political candidates might actually have to tell the truth, just to accommodate our crazy mast cells! Or answer questions rather than talk around the subject! Or *gasp* not act like petulant five-year olds and do their jobs!

And mast cell sufferers world-wide would become heroes to all, and everyone would get tested for the disorder, because everyone would want to be just like their favorite hero.  Or something like that. The Mast Cell Avenger, scourge of the corrupt and idiotic!

Hey, it could happen! ^_^

Anyway, that's about as happy as I'm getting today. But it's making me feel better, so I'm viewing today as a win all around.

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